We just returned from our first “Vacation” since the twins were born - a week-long trip to Steamboat Springs, Colo. in a rented condo.
That was the most non-relaxing vacation I’ve had in my entire life (and my parents dragged us around Europe when I was 10 years old and had significantly shorter legs and a shorter attention span than everyone else in the group).
If you think a mountain vacation sounds heavenly with your infant twins, let me give you a little reality check. A vacation with infants is just being busy in a different place, where, incidentally, you don’t have any of the stuff that makes your life livable at home (read: Exersaucers, swings).
Now, I’m sounding a little too negative here. We got to spend this time with my sister, mom and adorable nephew, which was fabulous and fun. Seeing little Henry (age 2.5) interact with the babies was precious.
But we should have done it at home.
Here are some of the blunders of our Steamboat Springs “escape”-
1) Baby falls off the table: Yep. I had my first horrible “baby falling” moment, and hopefully my last. And it’s the direct result of “not having our stuff.” I was trying to feed the kiddos, using a clip on high chair scooped up the day before we left, and a Bumbo sitter, placed on the kitchen table. Yes, people, I know it says not to put it on an elevated surface. I still don’t know how it happened, but as I turned to give Ashlynn a spoonful, Riley rocketed backwards, OFF the table and ONTO the floor. Thank god, he caught the chair on the way, so his fall was somewhat slowed down,and thank god, the only negative result was a scared little boy (and totally traumatized mama). Justin dared to make the joke, “Did your mom drop you on your head as a baby?” Captain Sensitive! But lesson learned. Don’t put the Bumbo on an elevated surface.
2) Baby Silences an entire restaurant: Same baby, not related to the above incident. It’s possible that I’ve gotten a little over-confident with bringing the twins places. Because they really are usually so good! But recent development: Riley can scream. And he LOVES it. It’s not that there’s anything wrong, or upsetting, or even particularly exciting. Except the fact that he can scream. Loud. And that, apparently, is exciting enough to fill several hours of the day. So, sitting in a quaint Steamboat brunch place no bigger than your average 7-11 (and plenty quieter), Riley lets loose his best pterodactyl impression. The place goes silent. Totally silent. For the most awkward 2.5 seconds of my life. Then someone says, “Was that a BABY?” Um yes. Mine as a matter of fact. Sorry about that. Enjoy your pancakes.
3) Pulling the Shoot on dinner: I don’t know why, given the experience of #2, I thought dinner out would work any better. But we tried, specifically to celebrate mom (grandma’s) birthday. Well, my mini bird of prey started up again, and this time, there was no stopping him. No amount of baby food, teethers, walking, bouncing or pacifier plugging would deter the tiny megaphone, so I pulled the shoot. The food was pretty terrible, so my full plate wasn’t long mourned. But I regretted so greatly leaving that full glass of red wine. Especially when I needed it so badly.
4) Baby version of “Are we there yet?”: We were so. close. Yet, so far away (cue Firehouse). With 45 minutes left of the 4 hour trek back from Steamboat, and after grandma had switched cars in order to split off for the Denver airport, and the wailing began. Like a cat in heat. No, worse. Like tiny fingernails on the sleep-deprived chalkboard of my brain. We stopped once, and he was thrilled when I got in the backseat and released him from his car seat. He was not hungry. He was not wet. We were 30 minutes from home, and he just had had enough of the car. My voice gone from singing the ABCs, nursery rhymes, lullabies, I made it. By finally just turning up the radio. Don’t judge. You’d have done the same.
The Lesson in all of this is as follows:
If you want to go on vacation, send the kids to grandma’s.
And go to Vegas.
We’re planning our escape already.